I have a love/hate
relationship with Pinterest.
Let me explain.
I have found
numerous (successful, even) recipes on Pinterest, it has inspired me to learn
to knit and sew, I’ve made several crafts based off of ideas I’ve found there…
we’ve had a decently good relationship, Pinterest and I.
But then there are
times, maybe in the evening after a long day when the house is a mess but I
just don’t care because I’m *tired* and need some time to relax, that I’ll head
over there to zone out a bit and find myself getting more discouraged by the
second. First it’s the pins of the “dream house”. You know the ones… the
(literally) picture perfect living room/kitchen/dining
room/bedroom/mudroom/closet-turned-reading-nook. They’re gorgeous. The color
scheme works, that couch is the perfect blend of class and comfort, the blue
adds a perfect pop of color to that kitchen, and seriously, why can’t my
bedroom look like that kind of retreat?? There’s no mess, not a dish out of
place, no stray socks lying on the floor. (Of course, there are no people in
the picture either, but I’m getting ahead of myself) Then I look around my
living room that looks like the Disney Princesses threw up in, shoes and toys
scattered across the floor, a few ripped up wipes that I couldn’t pull from my
toddler’s grasp, a dirty dish or two sitting on the coffee table that may or
may not have been sitting there all day… Let’s just say it’s a little disheartening.
Next I come across
pins that link you to parenting blogs. “Don’t say this EVER to your child or
you risk scarring them for life and they will blame you for every problem they
have!!!!” “1789 ways to keep your kids entertained this weekend” “Potty train
little Timmy by 6 months!” “An easy list of 185 things you should be doing as a
parent but aren’t!” I think I hate these
pins the most. Some days I just try to survive and make it to bed time. And
sometimes that means putting a movie on for the girls to watch so I can get
something done or just have a moment to myself. And I’m not even a stay at home
mom! Entertaining and purposefully educating your children every second of
every day is impractical and I don’t think it’s doing any service to them. They
need some space, too. Give them the chance to play alone and build their own
imagination. Live life with them… the learning moments will happen naturally. I
think parenting is a very personal thing and it drives me crazy that we depend
on “expert advice” on everything from what to feed our kids to what kind of
activities they should do. I’m the expert on my own kids, thankyouverymuch, and
sometimes they need a good swat on the butt!
Ahem.
After the annoying “you
suck as a parent” pins, there are the “motivation” pins. And honey, I feel you.
I want to look like that, too. I’d love to have a flat stomach and toned thighs
and say goodbye to my cellulite forever. But I don’t want to work that hard to
achieve it, especially at the end of the day when I’m that tired and need to
relax. If those pins truly motivate you to be healthy and fit, that’s great and
I’m happy for you. For me, however, they generally just start the compare and
contrast game. I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. I pretty much
always come out short when I play that game.
These are just a few
of the pins I see… there’s also the organic recipes pins (after I just fed my
kids chicken nuggets for the third time that week), the build a better marriage
pins, the ridiculous amount of mason jars, “easy” hairstyles that my hair
just.won’t.do., 1001 homemade gift ideas, DIY home projects, more, more, MORE.
Enough already!
Ladies, can we not
see what we are doing to ourselves? In general, we tend to be pretty insecure
beings to begin with. Why in heaven’s sake do we feel compelled to play that
horrid compare/contrast game with every single area of our lives? That’s really
what we are doing… this is how one random person on the internet did something
so I must do it too! Except I didn’t do it quite as well as they did… maybe
something’s wrong with the way I did it? Or, why can’t my house look like these
pictures? Why can’t I have a diamond ring like that? I wish MY wedding had been
like that one! (Oh, the wedding pins…) If only my wardrobe was full of cute
clothes like these. If only my husband was wound in Christmas lights and said “hey
girl”. (I kid, but seriously.)
It goes on and on
and on.
Don’t get me wrong,
there’s still the love part of my relationship with this site. I really have
gotten some fabulous ideas and inspiration from Pinterest. But I would say a
good 90% only makes me feel worse for what I DON’T do or have. And I’m sick of
it. I don’t feel like playing that game anymore.
I’m tired of the
Supermom game and Pinterest only perpetuates it. Have this house. Wear these
clothes. Do these crafts/activities. Say these things. Buy organic. Go vegan.
Gluten free. Take your kids here. Do this with your husband. Do it all and do
it PERFECTLY. I don’t know about you, but I already feel like I need to have
everything perfect, all at once. And I need to be the one to make that happen. No
pressure, right? But we do this… we spread ourselves too thin because it’s what’s
expected. “Supermom” has become normal. See, she’s the real villain here, not
Pinterest. She has become this unattainable ideal of who we should be and if we
are not her then we are a failure.
Well, I say death to
Supermom. She’s not real and I’m convinced that she CAN’T be real. Sure, she
could have it all together on the outside but you know she would be ragged and
falling apart on the inside. She would lack those meaningful relationships with
her husband and kids that she craves because she’s too busy “doing”. We were
not made to do it all… something has to give. Will it be appearances?
Relationships? Your sanity?
It breaks my heart
to see precious, wonderful mothers reduced to a puddle of tears because they
just feel like they are failing… at everything. Why do they feel like they’re
failing? Because they only see what their life SHOULD be like. Dear, precious,
wonderful mother… that vision of what life SHOULD be like is not real. Those
picture perfect homes are missing the most important part… LIFE. Kids (and husbands) are messy. Real life is messy. It’s not
perfect. Trying to push it into a perfect mold is only going to frustrate you
and your family and no one will be happy. Isn’t that ultimately what we’re
striving for—happiness?
I want to start a
project of sorts. Instead of looking at pictures of what could/should be, let’s
start looking REAL life square in the eye. Accept it for what it is and you
will start to see the beauty of it all around you. There will be days when that
“real” means dishes left in the sink or laundry left in the basket. Some days
it might mean a movie for the kids while Mommy drinks coffee in peace. And some
days it might mean a temporarily clean house and an afternoon at the park with
the kiddos. That’s life.
So how are we going
to stare real life in the eye? With pictures, of course! (Told you Pinterest
could be inspiring) I say let’s take a picture of our living rooms in their
current state and show it off. Resist the urge to clean up a bit… I mean it. Take
the picture and literally show it off. That’s your life… be proud of it and its
quirks! And I have a feeling that the more real living rooms we see, by real
moms just like us, the better we’ll feel about ourselves. Maybe we won’t feel
so bad that we didn’t get everything done today because we won’t feel so alone.
I want to out this lie that seems to echo through most moms’ minds… “Everyone
else has it together… why don’t I?” The truth is, we’re all struggling to
survive some days. And I think that the more we realize that we’re in this
together, the stronger we become.
Pinterest, you may have pretty pictures, but I have something so much better. I have REAL.
